I've Been Fooling Myself

is the fifth episode of the first season of the Fruits Basket 2019 Anime.

Summary
Tohru has come to think of the Sohmas as her new family, but her faith in herself and in her relationships is shaken when her biological family says they're ready to take her back.

Plot
Tohru receives news that the renovations to her grandfather’s house are complete. As she prepares dinner for the Sohma's, Tohru remembers a memory when she was younger. Her mother arrived home when Tohru was preparing dinner despite being ill, to which she told her daughter that it was okay to be discouraged sometimes.

With the sound of the kettle bringing her back to the present, Tohru considers how good her grandfather’s house must be compared to the tent. Tohru eventually tells the Sohma Family that she is going to leave, and Kyo waits outside as Tohru gives advice on food, trash days, and chores to Yuki and Shigure. She also gives them her new address and promises to keep the family secret.

On her way, Shigure thought Yuki would have stopped her. Tohru realizes she cannot become family with the Sohma's. She remembers playing the "fruits basket" game as a little girl at school, where she was chosen as the rice ball. Though she receives it as a compliment since they are yummy, Tohru was not included in the game because rice balls aren't a fruit.

Yuki and Kyo separately reminisce over their happy experiences in Tohru's company as Shigure discusses Tohru's absence. Arriving at her grandfather's, Tohru is confronted about living in the all-male Sohma household and is asked if they did anything to her before the questioner is struck by her grandfather. He informs Tohru that she does not have to stay here and put up with any unpleasantness as putting up with things does not suit her, advising her that if she has a better place to live, she can stay there. Tohru does not feel she deserves more than the love her mother had for her in the past and her two best friends, and is simultaneously unable to come to terms with leaving the Sohma Family. She misses being with them and wants to get to know Yuki and Kyo better. Suddenly, Yuki appears in front of Tohru and tells her to come home.

Previously, Kyo was irritated that her family was too high-handed for kicking Tohru out for renovations and that they should have thought more about what she wants. Yuki takes a walk whilst Kyo apparently looks for nail clippers, but in reality, looks for Tohru’s memo that Shigure points out Yuki took with him. He has gone looking for Tohru’s address, Kyo races to join him. They overhear the conversation Tohru was experiencing and the harsh words directed towards her, but take into account the important thing is not what they want, rather what Tohru wants. Feeling on edge since she left, Tohru registers they came to retrieve her. Overcome with tears she wants to go home, now considering home where they are. Walking hand in hand with both Yuki and Kyo, she considers herself the luckiest person in the world.

Shigure congratulates them on ‘rescuing’ Tohru, and remarks that he has never seen Yuki go to pieces like that. Shigure states it is not a perfect home, but it’s Tohru's if she wants it.

Trivia

 * The episode title is taken from one of Tohru Honda's lines.

Anime and Manga Differences

 * The beginning of the episode with Tohru cooking at the Sohma house and reflecting on a time with her mother, who explains to her that it's okay to be selfish is anime-only.
 * When Shigure remarks on the gloomy atmosphere with Tohru leaving, the anime doesn't show him smoking a cigarette.
 * When Tohru arrives at her grandfather's house, the younger female relative was not at the front entrance to greet her. Also unlike in the anime, the construction work on the house was complete in the manga.
 * While shown to be outside in the anime, Yuki is still inside Shigure's house as the elder Sohma commented about Tohru's departure.
 * Due to chapter 8's events being adapted early in episode 3, Kyo reflecting on Tohru's metaphor on riceballs and Kyo's character was added to the flashbacks where he reflected on her presence at the house.
 * The extended scene showing Kyo and Yuki trying to find Tohru's grandfather's house and observing the altercation she had with her relatives is an anime-only addition.
 * The scene with Tohru's relatives being dumbfounded over the events that took place with Tohru and the Sohma boys is anime-only.

Episodio 05 (2019) Je me trompais エピソード5（2019）